Dear blog,
It has been far too long since I've posted and I can't even begin to go back and record those things that I've missed. In fact, right now I'm posting courtesy of the wireless keyboard and mouse that we received this Christmas. Maybe these will lead to more regular posting -- assuming, that is , that being able to be slightly more lazy/comfortable while posting is a panacea for lack of blogliness. Regardless, rather than chronicling all that has occurred in the past few months, I am instead going to try to capture where I am right now.
I am quite far along in this pregnancy -- 35 weeks to be precise. And do I ever feel big! I am pretty sure that at this point, I am bigger than I was with Tommy. Or maybe I'm just having trouble remembering back that far. Lots more aches and pains this time, perhaps attributable to age or not being in as good a shape as I was with Tommy. And the pressure -- oy! I am hopeful that the pressure means that my chances of a VBAC are increased.
Speaking of VBAC, I am now under the care of midwives rather than my family doctor. It was a very hard decision to make, but my doctor was toeing the line at policies so much that it was causing me a lot of stress about how labour would be occurring and I decided to try if midwives would be available. I was lucky and managed to get in immediately at about 32 weeks. And now I've gone from worrying about whether or not I'll have continual EFM in a hospital setting to planning to have this baby at home! Jim and I are very excited about this and it seems almost surreal that it could be happening in a month's time. It has definitely energized my journey and given me something to look forward to rather than something to be apprehensive about. My friend, Caroline, is going to be my doula, too, so we will have a lot of support from people who are knowledgeable and supportive. It is really evoking a "yes, I can" attitude on my part rather than worrying about how best to manage a situation out of my control.
The irony in my feelings doesn't escape me, as the "situation out of control" is part of what has led to the medicalization of birth and the policies surrounding it. I believe that individually doctors have their patients' best intentions at heart, but collectively it becomes impersonal and overbearing and I am so glad to have the opportunity to put that behind.
What else is new? I had my whole family (except Steve & Crys) over for Boxing Day at our house. There was a big hurdle to actually get them down, but I'm hoping that now that they've done it once that it may happen again in the future. Work has been a strain for the last few months and between that and the more taxing demands of pregnancy has been a big part of the reason for my inner retreat. I need to reconnect with a lot of friends and the onus for that rests squarely on my shoulders. I hope I haven't burned too many bridges or lost too many friends by being less than communicative.
So that's it, in a nutshell. Tommy is wonderful, Jim is amazing. I am a very lucky person. Sure, nothing is 100% perfect, but being surrounded by people who care about me is pretty wonderful.
Anyways, hopefully I'll be able to sort out this newfangled technology and get things going again here, both on my own blog and visiting the people who've come to see me.
xo G
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thump, thump... Who's there?
Squirt is now giving me some regular taps to say hello. It is nice to have this bit of reassurance.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
First day of kindergarten!
I can hardly believe it...my baby had his first day of kindergarten today. He was so excited about it.
He came home with a name tag on his shirt, but I'm hoping that he won't need a name tag every day for the teacher to know who he is. Ha ha. I'm sure his red hair will distinguish him.
If there ever was a sweet clown, it's Tommy. Today when we went to pick him up, he was playing all by himself in the sandbox. I felt a little bad that he wasn't interacting with the other kids, then I looked around and saw that all of the other kids were playing by themselves, too. And when he saw me, he just about shrieked for joy. But tomorrow I know that he'll be excited to go to school again.
Does it get any better than this? I have a hard time believing it does.
As for Squirt, it was a bit of a worrisome day today. I believe I lost some of my mucus plug over the last couple of days. It's way too early for that to happen. The doctor thinks its from something related to BM, but I'm not convinced. I just hope that Squirt stays put for a bit longer.
He came home with a name tag on his shirt, but I'm hoping that he won't need a name tag every day for the teacher to know who he is. Ha ha. I'm sure his red hair will distinguish him.
If there ever was a sweet clown, it's Tommy. Today when we went to pick him up, he was playing all by himself in the sandbox. I felt a little bad that he wasn't interacting with the other kids, then I looked around and saw that all of the other kids were playing by themselves, too. And when he saw me, he just about shrieked for joy. But tomorrow I know that he'll be excited to go to school again.
Does it get any better than this? I have a hard time believing it does.
As for Squirt, it was a bit of a worrisome day today. I believe I lost some of my mucus plug over the last couple of days. It's way too early for that to happen. The doctor thinks its from something related to BM, but I'm not convinced. I just hope that Squirt stays put for a bit longer.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Matching Boo-boos
"Mommy, we have matching boo-boos," said Tommy on our way to his school/daycare today. What a sweetheart. I had barely taken the time to notice the scratch on my hand (don't even know how it got there). But he saw it and asked over and over if it hurt and if I was okay. Then he showed me his scratch and told me we matched.
How do kids even see this stuff? I'm sick as a dog, worried about missing work, and about Squirt on her way. I don't have time to notice a matching boo-boo. Or maybe I do, but there's just too much other stuff going on.
Either way, it's nice to know that someone cares. I've got to say, he is the sweetest boy ever. I have never seen a kid so concerned about other people. I hope he stays that way.
How do kids even see this stuff? I'm sick as a dog, worried about missing work, and about Squirt on her way. I don't have time to notice a matching boo-boo. Or maybe I do, but there's just too much other stuff going on.
Either way, it's nice to know that someone cares. I've got to say, he is the sweetest boy ever. I have never seen a kid so concerned about other people. I hope he stays that way.
Monday, August 25, 2008
VBAC Hurdle #1
I've decided to go for a VBAC for Squirt. (VBAC stands for Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) And as usual, I'm not going halfway about it. I don't consider it a "nice idea" -- it is something that I really want to do and yes, I'll say it, succeed at.
Many people say that any birth where mom and babe come out health is a successful birth, and I don't have any qualms agreeing with that. But I do think that I can define my own success, too, and I have had the experience of a c-section (unplanned) with a healthy baby. I don't think of that birth as a failure -- far from it. It brought me a wonderful son, whom I love more than the world. But it also had side effects that I want to avoid, including difficulty with breastfeeding. This may have happened regardless, but I am certain it was compounded by the surgery and additional fluids I had while in hospital.
This time, I want to do all I can to have a VBAC. Not to correct things from my last birth. My primary reason for this is because I don't want to have elective surgery. My motivation to succeed at the VBAC comes from wishing to gain what I strongly believe I can have with this birth.
I had begun doing some research and ordered these from Indigo.ca:
A little more "earthy-birthy" than my natural inclinations, but full of useful information.
One thing I had already decided was that I did not want continuous electronic fetal monitoring. I had a rotten experience with Tommy with cEFM. My waters broke spontaneously with him and we waited until contractions were 3 minutes apart and lasting 60 seconds. When we arrived at triage, there were no beds available. The nurses strapped the cEFM to me and I laboured in an uncomfortable, stiff, wooden waiting-room chair for a good half an hour.
Imagine having your worst menstrual cramps or a horrible stomach flu or migraine. Then imagine being forced to sit in a chair with a heavy device strapped around your stomach -- exactly where you feel the pressure and the most important place to have unrestricted movement in order to cope with the pain. That is cEFM.
The hurdle is that cEFM is recommended by the SOGC for VBACs because of the risk of uterine rupture. Changes to the fetal heartbeat are an early indicator of rupture. And these changes can be caught by cEFM.
On the other hand, cEFM is also highly correlated with the incidence of c-section. Natural pain management is difficult with cEFM, which can lead to higher rates of interventions and ultimately a c-section delivery. cEFM also makes it difficult for Stage 2 (the pushing stage) as it limits your positions, which can also lead to a c-section.
So it's a Mexican stand-off, impacted by guilt and fear that refusing cEFM will lead to injury and possibly death for mom and babe. The chance of uterine rupture? Less than 0.5%. In fact, there are just as many risks for non-VBAC births that are not termed high risk.
There is an alternative: intermittent monitoring. This involves periodic monitoring, as opposed to continual. So rather than having a constant ticker of patterns, there are individual snapshots. This is the alternative that I wish to have.
Last Friday, I had a doctor's appointment and mentioned that I wanted this alternative for my birth. My doctor bluntly told me that it was policy at the hospital she delivers at for cEFM for VBAC, as all VBACs are termed high risk. I was taken aback. My doctor has always seemed supportive of natural births. I believe she had two home births herself. So this lack of flexibility stunned and upset me.
I considered arguing, but didn't anticipate her positioning and couldn't find the right words and emotional space to do it in. Something else happened in the appointment and when I finally came out to meet my dh, who was there to pick me up, I couldn't hold back the tears. I felt so defeated before I even began.
I came home and crashed in our bed. I needed time to myself to recover. I posted my experience on my board and learned that someone else who had delivered at the same hospital with midwives had received intermittent monitoring.
I am trying to contact a few midwifery clinics. I don't feel strongly one way or the other about a doctor vs a midwife. But I do feel strongly about cEFM. It's something I don't think I can remain indifferent to and need to do something at this stage. Whether it's pushing my doctor and refusing cEFM regardless of policy. Or switching care providers.
I hadn't pictured being in this position, having to choose between providers to get the birth that I want, but am finding myself stronger and more passionate about it than I ever imagined.
One thing I had already decided was that I did not want continuous electronic fetal monitoring. I had a rotten experience with Tommy with cEFM. My waters broke spontaneously with him and we waited until contractions were 3 minutes apart and lasting 60 seconds. When we arrived at triage, there were no beds available. The nurses strapped the cEFM to me and I laboured in an uncomfortable, stiff, wooden waiting-room chair for a good half an hour.
Imagine having your worst menstrual cramps or a horrible stomach flu or migraine. Then imagine being forced to sit in a chair with a heavy device strapped around your stomach -- exactly where you feel the pressure and the most important place to have unrestricted movement in order to cope with the pain. That is cEFM.
The hurdle is that cEFM is recommended by the SOGC for VBACs because of the risk of uterine rupture. Changes to the fetal heartbeat are an early indicator of rupture. And these changes can be caught by cEFM.
On the other hand, cEFM is also highly correlated with the incidence of c-section. Natural pain management is difficult with cEFM, which can lead to higher rates of interventions and ultimately a c-section delivery. cEFM also makes it difficult for Stage 2 (the pushing stage) as it limits your positions, which can also lead to a c-section.
So it's a Mexican stand-off, impacted by guilt and fear that refusing cEFM will lead to injury and possibly death for mom and babe. The chance of uterine rupture? Less than 0.5%. In fact, there are just as many risks for non-VBAC births that are not termed high risk.
There is an alternative: intermittent monitoring. This involves periodic monitoring, as opposed to continual. So rather than having a constant ticker of patterns, there are individual snapshots. This is the alternative that I wish to have.
Last Friday, I had a doctor's appointment and mentioned that I wanted this alternative for my birth. My doctor bluntly told me that it was policy at the hospital she delivers at for cEFM for VBAC, as all VBACs are termed high risk. I was taken aback. My doctor has always seemed supportive of natural births. I believe she had two home births herself. So this lack of flexibility stunned and upset me.
I considered arguing, but didn't anticipate her positioning and couldn't find the right words and emotional space to do it in. Something else happened in the appointment and when I finally came out to meet my dh, who was there to pick me up, I couldn't hold back the tears. I felt so defeated before I even began.
I came home and crashed in our bed. I needed time to myself to recover. I posted my experience on my board and learned that someone else who had delivered at the same hospital with midwives had received intermittent monitoring.
I am trying to contact a few midwifery clinics. I don't feel strongly one way or the other about a doctor vs a midwife. But I do feel strongly about cEFM. It's something I don't think I can remain indifferent to and need to do something at this stage. Whether it's pushing my doctor and refusing cEFM regardless of policy. Or switching care providers.
I hadn't pictured being in this position, having to choose between providers to get the birth that I want, but am finding myself stronger and more passionate about it than I ever imagined.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Mama Mia!
That is Monkey's new name for me: Mama Mia! Said with an impish grin on his face. He totally knows that he's being silly when he says it. It's so cute, I love it.
My "mama mia!" moment is the realization that I'm almost halfway through this pregnancy. It seems like it has happened so fast. And although maternity won't be a total lark, I am looking forward to it. I feel really tired lately and still question whether I am burned out from school. (This I suspect because anytime someone mentions training courses, I am immediately turned off.)
Squirt seems to enjoy hanging out on my right-hand side. I was in the gym today and on the recumbent bike, I felt a good swift kick to the RH side of my cervix-- OW! I don't remember Monkey ever kicking me down there like that.
I feel a little lonely this time, too. Hubby is excited, but we are both busy with reno's and Monkey. And I don't get out to see my friends as much as I did when I was pg with Monkey. I hope that I don't feel lonely when Squirt gets here. This time I know to plan a lot more excursions regardless of the crying. Well, truth be told, I knew that last time but just couldn't bring myself to do it if Monkey cried. I guess this is already a bit of the difference in birth order emerging.
My "mama mia!" moment is the realization that I'm almost halfway through this pregnancy. It seems like it has happened so fast. And although maternity won't be a total lark, I am looking forward to it. I feel really tired lately and still question whether I am burned out from school. (This I suspect because anytime someone mentions training courses, I am immediately turned off.)
Squirt seems to enjoy hanging out on my right-hand side. I was in the gym today and on the recumbent bike, I felt a good swift kick to the RH side of my cervix-- OW! I don't remember Monkey ever kicking me down there like that.
I feel a little lonely this time, too. Hubby is excited, but we are both busy with reno's and Monkey. And I don't get out to see my friends as much as I did when I was pg with Monkey. I hope that I don't feel lonely when Squirt gets here. This time I know to plan a lot more excursions regardless of the crying. Well, truth be told, I knew that last time but just couldn't bring myself to do it if Monkey cried. I guess this is already a bit of the difference in birth order emerging.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
So busy my head is spinning
Quite literally. It has been insanely busy at work lately. I wish that I had someone who I could split my workload with, but nobody else is trained on my material.
However, there is a part of me that likes the challenge. I am always amazed at how much I can get done in a short amount of time if I put my mind to it. It feels like being a conductor, pointing to this musician, that musician, the next, and making everything come together. A little drunk on the exhilaration; focused on details but with things moving so fast that I'm not bogged down, just able to succumb to the music and let it flow.
However, there is a part of me that likes the challenge. I am always amazed at how much I can get done in a short amount of time if I put my mind to it. It feels like being a conductor, pointing to this musician, that musician, the next, and making everything come together. A little drunk on the exhilaration; focused on details but with things moving so fast that I'm not bogged down, just able to succumb to the music and let it flow.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Hey Squirt, are you a singleton?
I keep wondering if Squirt is a singleton or twins. I am feeling pressure way too high for where my uterus should be right now. And I feel really big, but that's supposed to be the norm for #2. I guess we'll see on Aug 26th when I have my u/s!
This weekend was fun. We took Monkey to see the monster trucks, along with grandma and grandpa. He was SO excited. I have to find the cord to download some pics and I'll try to post some. (it's been lost in the move)
We also got a good amount of stuff done on the kitchen. Not so much volume-wise, but those really hard things that seemed like mountains. We got the cover panels on the wall cabinets and the fridge cover panel -- what a PITA! And dh finally got the drain worked out. It was kind of funny because he'd been agonizing over the logistics of it for so long and kept running into roadblocks and all of a sudden it just came together.
Oh, and I've learned that I can be quite the crusty bitch while pg. Not that t is is news, but sometimes I can't believe the ugly things that come out of my mouth. Yikes. Need to work on that.
This weekend was fun. We took Monkey to see the monster trucks, along with grandma and grandpa. He was SO excited. I have to find the cord to download some pics and I'll try to post some. (it's been lost in the move)
We also got a good amount of stuff done on the kitchen. Not so much volume-wise, but those really hard things that seemed like mountains. We got the cover panels on the wall cabinets and the fridge cover panel -- what a PITA! And dh finally got the drain worked out. It was kind of funny because he'd been agonizing over the logistics of it for so long and kept running into roadblocks and all of a sudden it just came together.
Oh, and I've learned that I can be quite the crusty bitch while pg. Not that t is is news, but sometimes I can't believe the ugly things that come out of my mouth. Yikes. Need to work on that.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Here I am again
I have to give a big shout out to anyone who still reads my blog. Admittedly, I have been horrible in updating it. But strangely, every now and again I get the longing to come back. It's like the pull to somewhere familiar that isn't part of your everyday life, but is comforting nonetheless.
So what's new with me? Not too much since I last updated.
The belly is growing, which is quite exciting. Squirt (my name for the new one) is due at the end of January. I have slowly been making some decisions about birthing, etc. My first labour ended in a c-section, but I have decided to try VBAC this time. There are also a few standard procedures that I do not want, such as continual electric fetal monitoring, and I know that I will have to fight for those. I thought that I had a friend lined up to be a doula, but I haven't heard from her at all, so I might have to find one, as I don't think my hubby wants to be involved in hospital conflict. I know he would advocate for me if I needed him to, but I don't see the point in causing both of us stress.
The monkey has adapted so well to his new daycare and is getting to be such a big boy. He wants to do everything by himself. I miss the baby in him, but it's exciting to see this new side emerging. I am trying to start working on letter recognition with him. He's pretty good with numbers, and is showing really amazing progress with letters, considering that we only started this early this week. I don't want to push him, but while he is still happy to do it and it is a game, I don't see why not. Left to his own devices, he would most likely play with cars and trucks all day, which is fine, but not really exploring any new territory.
We have been fully moved into our place since July, but still are not settled. After the monkey went to a new daycare, we also had the joy of being exposed to new germs and all 3 of us got sick for about a month, which means kitchen reno's were on hold. I have been fine with working in a somewhat chaotic kitchen and living out of boxes for a while, but have recently started feeling antsy about getting things done.
Other than that, not a lot new. It's been 8 months, but I am still so grateful to be done school. It was such a large part of my life for so long, dictating and restricting schedules. It feels good to have my time again...or at least, what little of it I can grab.
Squirt is tickling my belly right now. I have felt tickles all around, even up high, which is unusual for this early. Now that I know what to expect from a baby, not in terms of routine b/c everyone is different but in terms of life changes and love, I am savouring and anticipating the arrival of a new baby so much more. I feel so lucky for everything that we have right now.
So what's new with me? Not too much since I last updated.
The belly is growing, which is quite exciting. Squirt (my name for the new one) is due at the end of January. I have slowly been making some decisions about birthing, etc. My first labour ended in a c-section, but I have decided to try VBAC this time. There are also a few standard procedures that I do not want, such as continual electric fetal monitoring, and I know that I will have to fight for those. I thought that I had a friend lined up to be a doula, but I haven't heard from her at all, so I might have to find one, as I don't think my hubby wants to be involved in hospital conflict. I know he would advocate for me if I needed him to, but I don't see the point in causing both of us stress.
The monkey has adapted so well to his new daycare and is getting to be such a big boy. He wants to do everything by himself. I miss the baby in him, but it's exciting to see this new side emerging. I am trying to start working on letter recognition with him. He's pretty good with numbers, and is showing really amazing progress with letters, considering that we only started this early this week. I don't want to push him, but while he is still happy to do it and it is a game, I don't see why not. Left to his own devices, he would most likely play with cars and trucks all day, which is fine, but not really exploring any new territory.
We have been fully moved into our place since July, but still are not settled. After the monkey went to a new daycare, we also had the joy of being exposed to new germs and all 3 of us got sick for about a month, which means kitchen reno's were on hold. I have been fine with working in a somewhat chaotic kitchen and living out of boxes for a while, but have recently started feeling antsy about getting things done.
Other than that, not a lot new. It's been 8 months, but I am still so grateful to be done school. It was such a large part of my life for so long, dictating and restricting schedules. It feels good to have my time again...or at least, what little of it I can grab.
Squirt is tickling my belly right now. I have felt tickles all around, even up high, which is unusual for this early. Now that I know what to expect from a baby, not in terms of routine b/c everyone is different but in terms of life changes and love, I am savouring and anticipating the arrival of a new baby so much more. I feel so lucky for everything that we have right now.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
3 months later update
Life has been busy, but it's been a good busy. Since my last post, we've purchased our first house! We closed on May 30, but still have the apartment until the end of June, so we're moving over in dribbles.
I'm listening to my dh ooh and aah over various treasures that have been in storage for the last 5 years. I wonder if they'll end up in storage again! I'm determined to cut things down and give away a lot of stuff, but he likes to hold on to every single book he purchases. I have the feeling our basement will be lined with books.
Yay! Dh just dug up a pair of shoes that I bought a couple of years ago and couldn't find. Now I can throw out my old ones that are falling apart!
I'm also pregnant! Due date is the end of Jan 2009, so I'm about 8 weeks along now. I've been spotting and bleeding for the last few days, so I'm worried we might end up with another miscarriage. We spent 3 hours in the ER today, trying to get an ultrasound done so we could see if all was okay with baby, but eventually we left because it was taking too long.
I'm listening to my dh ooh and aah over various treasures that have been in storage for the last 5 years. I wonder if they'll end up in storage again! I'm determined to cut things down and give away a lot of stuff, but he likes to hold on to every single book he purchases. I have the feeling our basement will be lined with books.
Yay! Dh just dug up a pair of shoes that I bought a couple of years ago and couldn't find. Now I can throw out my old ones that are falling apart!
I'm also pregnant! Due date is the end of Jan 2009, so I'm about 8 weeks along now. I've been spotting and bleeding for the last few days, so I'm worried we might end up with another miscarriage. We spent 3 hours in the ER today, trying to get an ultrasound done so we could see if all was okay with baby, but eventually we left because it was taking too long.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
We've leapt
It's officially the first hour of the day after leap day here; we have officially leapt. I feel that I've leapt passed a few things, too.
I'm feeling a bit better about things, even though this winter continues to hammer us. The fact that I don't have any pressing deadlines other than work is starting to sink in...and I like it! It's a joy to come home and know that it's just the same ol' routine with the monkey and my dh.
The monkey is growing by leaps and bounds! He has a miraculous memory (which I completely attribute to my dh, I have a brain like a sieve in comparison) and after we have read him a new book, he will "read" it with us the next time through. He loves anything with colours, animals and (of course) vehicles of any nature. Dh does the bedtime routine now and it's heart-melting to hear the story alternate between a deep voice and a tiny one.
He's also starting to read on his own. For a while it was hard to tell because he has such a fantastic memory and I couldn't be sure if it was him repeating or reading. But the other day, we were in the elevator and he read the numbers as we were going down and then read them going up the same night. He got them all, except for 9, which he called 6. (And who can blame him, it really is a 6, just upside down!)
The monkey is also in love with Lego Star Wars, which we have for our Wii. I have to admit that it's a little disturbing to see how crazy he goes with the remote, thinking it's a light saber. But it's purely play and I can tell he knows the difference between play and how to behave outside of it. He's also playing "Follow the leader" and "Simon says." We have some board games that we've been teaching him. I tend to be lax about the rules and just let him lead, but dh wants him to learn them, so we're a little different that way. Either way, it's lots of fun!
We've also started to look at buying a house! This is super-exciting news for this former farmgirl who has been stuck inside an apartment for over 10 years. Most likely it will be a townhome, but still it is a step up. We saw one that we really liked last Friday and were prepared to offer, but were beat out by someone else. However, it appears that most of the other places in the area are similar, so we will just bide our time until something comes up. We have some pretty tight budget and location requirements, mostly due to not wanting to switch the monkey's daycare; this area met both quite well.
Still struggling with putting in a cleaning routine. When you've had to wing it for so long, it becomes second nature to go in spurts; hopefully something will form soon. I can't wait until this winter is done. I take the monkey to daycare in a stroller and it is very tough going when the sidewalks aren't ploughed. I would sooner have a cold day than a snow day anytime.
So yes, a bit more satisfied with life right now. Feeling a bit more able to let my guard down and be myself. What a great feeling.
I'm feeling a bit better about things, even though this winter continues to hammer us. The fact that I don't have any pressing deadlines other than work is starting to sink in...and I like it! It's a joy to come home and know that it's just the same ol' routine with the monkey and my dh.
The monkey is growing by leaps and bounds! He has a miraculous memory (which I completely attribute to my dh, I have a brain like a sieve in comparison) and after we have read him a new book, he will "read" it with us the next time through. He loves anything with colours, animals and (of course) vehicles of any nature. Dh does the bedtime routine now and it's heart-melting to hear the story alternate between a deep voice and a tiny one.
He's also starting to read on his own. For a while it was hard to tell because he has such a fantastic memory and I couldn't be sure if it was him repeating or reading. But the other day, we were in the elevator and he read the numbers as we were going down and then read them going up the same night. He got them all, except for 9, which he called 6. (And who can blame him, it really is a 6, just upside down!)
The monkey is also in love with Lego Star Wars, which we have for our Wii. I have to admit that it's a little disturbing to see how crazy he goes with the remote, thinking it's a light saber. But it's purely play and I can tell he knows the difference between play and how to behave outside of it. He's also playing "Follow the leader" and "Simon says." We have some board games that we've been teaching him. I tend to be lax about the rules and just let him lead, but dh wants him to learn them, so we're a little different that way. Either way, it's lots of fun!
We've also started to look at buying a house! This is super-exciting news for this former farmgirl who has been stuck inside an apartment for over 10 years. Most likely it will be a townhome, but still it is a step up. We saw one that we really liked last Friday and were prepared to offer, but were beat out by someone else. However, it appears that most of the other places in the area are similar, so we will just bide our time until something comes up. We have some pretty tight budget and location requirements, mostly due to not wanting to switch the monkey's daycare; this area met both quite well.
Still struggling with putting in a cleaning routine. When you've had to wing it for so long, it becomes second nature to go in spurts; hopefully something will form soon. I can't wait until this winter is done. I take the monkey to daycare in a stroller and it is very tough going when the sidewalks aren't ploughed. I would sooner have a cold day than a snow day anytime.
So yes, a bit more satisfied with life right now. Feeling a bit more able to let my guard down and be myself. What a great feeling.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Buzzing around
I swear, every time I feel like I am in a rhythm with blogging, something seems to disrupt me. It's almost like when you're determined to get back to the gym and feel great about going for a few days and then are stuck in meetings for the rest of the week. But you just keep plugging away, hoping one day you'll get it. Whether it is a great body or a great blog, it doesn't matter.
I was chatting to my girlfriends in my online community. A few of them hit the nail on the head as for what I've been feeling: Burnout
In short, the signs of burnout tend to be more mental than physical. They can include feelings of:
Let's see: check, check, check...oh yeah, big check on that irritability factor. Being crusty is something that is new to me, and that I've disliked in other people, but noticed myself creepily enjoying.
So the girls say to make sure to treat yourself to something good every day. I don't feel that I have time to do that, really. I can't just conk out for an hour to go and catch up on the latest celebrity goss, or whatever treating yourself is. But I've been slowly trying to give myself a bit of time. In fact, I've quite literally recognized that I will go crazy if I don't.
Oy. So back to buzzing around. I am finding things a bit more easier this past week or so. My body is starting to recognize that it can have some relaxation time on the weekends. That I don't have to push and push all the time. And while this outer stress dissolves, my inner balance seems to become a bit more settled.
All right, time to hit the showers. That was a good workout. Thanks for pacing me.
I was chatting to my girlfriends in my online community. A few of them hit the nail on the head as for what I've been feeling: Burnout
In short, the signs of burnout tend to be more mental than physical. They can include feelings of:
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So the girls say to make sure to treat yourself to something good every day. I don't feel that I have time to do that, really. I can't just conk out for an hour to go and catch up on the latest celebrity goss, or whatever treating yourself is. But I've been slowly trying to give myself a bit of time. In fact, I've quite literally recognized that I will go crazy if I don't.
Oy. So back to buzzing around. I am finding things a bit more easier this past week or so. My body is starting to recognize that it can have some relaxation time on the weekends. That I don't have to push and push all the time. And while this outer stress dissolves, my inner balance seems to become a bit more settled.
All right, time to hit the showers. That was a good workout. Thanks for pacing me.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Too capable to compete
"the South African runner's curved, prosthetic "Cheetah" blades are considered a technical aid in violation of the rules." In addition to this, a German professor claims "An athlete using this prosthetic blade has a demonstrable mechanical advantage (more than 30 per cent) when compared to someone not using the blade."
And so, Oscar now has the dual identity of being overadvantaged in the sports world and underadvantaged in the outside world, although he likely wouldn't let something as 'trivial' as not having legs stop him no matter where it is.
It's likely clear by now that I think he should be allowed to compete. Nevermind his prosthetics. How about all of the performance-enhancing drugs that "normal" athletes use? And while he may have a slight advantage as far as exertion during the race goes, due to his prosthetics, how about the amount of exertion he needs to generate for every single fucking day?
The final kicker, the thing that really burns me, is that I have the strong suspicion that rules are not put to such strong scrutiny for the Special Olympics. It's almost like putting everyone on the island of misfits and as long as you're a misfit, then the same rules do not apply.
It's wrong. It's the Olympics. Where has the human spirit gone?
And so, Oscar now has the dual identity of being overadvantaged in the sports world and underadvantaged in the outside world, although he likely wouldn't let something as 'trivial' as not having legs stop him no matter where it is.
It's likely clear by now that I think he should be allowed to compete. Nevermind his prosthetics. How about all of the performance-enhancing drugs that "normal" athletes use? And while he may have a slight advantage as far as exertion during the race goes, due to his prosthetics, how about the amount of exertion he needs to generate for every single fucking day?
The final kicker, the thing that really burns me, is that I have the strong suspicion that rules are not put to such strong scrutiny for the Special Olympics. It's almost like putting everyone on the island of misfits and as long as you're a misfit, then the same rules do not apply.
It's wrong. It's the Olympics. Where has the human spirit gone?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Life after MBA
Life after MBA is definitely a strange and good place to be. I guess that technically, it's not entirely started yet because according to my friends still in school, classes aren't beginning until next week, but mentally I'm in the post era.
I'm not really doing anything radically different. Most of my time is being spent doing lots of cleaning. Digging my desk out from under the mounds of paper that accumulate in the end-of-semester frenzy. Actually putting away my clean clothes instead of piling them up (hey, they were in neat piles, at least!). Clearing off our kitchen table so that we can attempt eating there again instead of shoving food in our face in front of the t.v. Purging the bottom kitchen cupboards and making them functional for all the cooking and baking I now have time to do.
I must sound like such a slob -- if it's any better, just call it being human. ;)
Just after we came home from being up north for the holidays, the video card on our computer bit the dust. Luckily, all the stuff on the hard drive was fine. This was a tad ironic, as it's the computer that we bought when I started my MBA. It lasted for a good 4 years, so we decided to purchase a new one and transfer the hard drive onto a portable drive. Still working on getting the new one up and running with all of my preferred settings.
The most exciting thing, to me: I bought a keyboard!
It's only 61 keys, as opposed to 88 keys, which I'd been holding out for, but the price tag was so much lower than the 88 keys, I decided to go for it and I'm really glad that I did. Most of what is missing are the lower keys, but there is definitely enough here to satisfy my needs for now.
I've only had it set up for a couple of days, but it has already shown me that it's part of what I've really been missing. I'm not a huge t.v. watcher, but don't always have the mindset to read a book so I'd been substituting my piano time with time on the computer. While that has been fine, it hasn't left me feeling nearly as balanced as playing has. I'm a bit of an information junkie and could keep surfing all night long just reading more and more without ever feeling satisfied. In contrast, I derive such a sense of inner peace, an emotional connection, that I feel much more fulfilled and at balance with the world.
The keyboard also comes with a training program, Yamaha-style, that I want to explore. I was trained in the classical method and then completely broken reign with that at York and studied post-modern music. I think that any learning method adds value. It also has MIDI capability, and I would like to use that to begin composing again.
And in keeping with my previous entry on the effect of sound, I am going to pick up this book:
From the publisher:
I'm not really doing anything radically different. Most of my time is being spent doing lots of cleaning. Digging my desk out from under the mounds of paper that accumulate in the end-of-semester frenzy. Actually putting away my clean clothes instead of piling them up (hey, they were in neat piles, at least!). Clearing off our kitchen table so that we can attempt eating there again instead of shoving food in our face in front of the t.v. Purging the bottom kitchen cupboards and making them functional for all the cooking and baking I now have time to do.
I must sound like such a slob -- if it's any better, just call it being human. ;)
Just after we came home from being up north for the holidays, the video card on our computer bit the dust. Luckily, all the stuff on the hard drive was fine. This was a tad ironic, as it's the computer that we bought when I started my MBA. It lasted for a good 4 years, so we decided to purchase a new one and transfer the hard drive onto a portable drive. Still working on getting the new one up and running with all of my preferred settings.
The most exciting thing, to me: I bought a keyboard!
It's only 61 keys, as opposed to 88 keys, which I'd been holding out for, but the price tag was so much lower than the 88 keys, I decided to go for it and I'm really glad that I did. Most of what is missing are the lower keys, but there is definitely enough here to satisfy my needs for now.I've only had it set up for a couple of days, but it has already shown me that it's part of what I've really been missing. I'm not a huge t.v. watcher, but don't always have the mindset to read a book so I'd been substituting my piano time with time on the computer. While that has been fine, it hasn't left me feeling nearly as balanced as playing has. I'm a bit of an information junkie and could keep surfing all night long just reading more and more without ever feeling satisfied. In contrast, I derive such a sense of inner peace, an emotional connection, that I feel much more fulfilled and at balance with the world.
The keyboard also comes with a training program, Yamaha-style, that I want to explore. I was trained in the classical method and then completely broken reign with that at York and studied post-modern music. I think that any learning method adds value. It also has MIDI capability, and I would like to use that to begin composing again.
And in keeping with my previous entry on the effect of sound, I am going to pick up this book:
From the publisher: In this groundbreaking union of art and science, rocker-turned-neuroscientist Daniel J. Levitin explores the connection between music--its performance, its composition, how we listen to it, why we enjoy it--and the human brain. Drawing on the latest research and on musical examples ranging from Mozart to Duke Ellington to Van Halen, Levitin reveals:
-How composers produce some of the most pleasurable effects of listening to music by exploiting the way our brains make sense of the world
-Why we are so emotionally attached to the music we listened to as teenagers, whether it was Fleetwood Mac, U2, or Dr. Dre
-That practice, rather than talent, is the driving force behind musical expertise
-How those insidious little jingles (called earworms) get stuck in our heads
And, taking on prominent thinkers who argue that music is nothing more than an evolutionary accident, Levitin argues that music is fundamental to our species, perhaps even more so than language. This Is Your Brain on Music is an unprecedented, eye-opening investigation into an obsession at the heart of human nature.
Exciting times!
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