Hey Squirt, are you a singleton?

I keep wondering if Squirt is a singleton or twins. I am feeling pressure way too high for where my uterus should be right now. And I feel really big, but that's supposed to be the norm for #2. I guess we'll see on Aug 26th when I have my u/s!

This weekend was fun. We took Monkey to see the monster trucks, along with grandma and grandpa. He was SO excited. I have to find the cord to download some pics and I'll try to post some. (it's been lost in the move)

We also got a good amount of stuff done on the kitchen. Not so much volume-wise, but those really hard things that seemed like mountains. We got the cover panels on the wall cabinets and the fridge cover panel -- what a PITA! And dh finally got the drain worked out. It was kind of funny because he'd been agonizing over the logistics of it for so long and kept running into roadblocks and all of a sudden it just came together.

Oh, and I've learned that I can be quite the crusty bitch while pg. Not that t is is news, but sometimes I can't believe the ugly things that come out of my mouth. Yikes. Need to work on that.

Here I am again

I have to give a big shout out to anyone who still reads my blog. Admittedly, I have been horrible in updating it. But strangely, every now and again I get the longing to come back. It's like the pull to somewhere familiar that isn't part of your everyday life, but is comforting nonetheless.

So what's new with me? Not too much since I last updated.

The belly is growing, which is quite exciting. Squirt (my name for the new one) is due at the end of January. I have slowly been making some decisions about birthing, etc. My first labour ended in a c-section, but I have decided to try VBAC this time. There are also a few standard procedures that I do not want, such as continual electric fetal monitoring, and I know that I will have to fight for those. I thought that I had a friend lined up to be a doula, but I haven't heard from her at all, so I might have to find one, as I don't think my hubby wants to be involved in hospital conflict. I know he would advocate for me if I needed him to, but I don't see the point in causing both of us stress.

The monkey has adapted so well to his new daycare and is getting to be such a big boy. He wants to do everything by himself. I miss the baby in him, but it's exciting to see this new side emerging. I am trying to start working on letter recognition with him. He's pretty good with numbers, and is showing really amazing progress with letters, considering that we only started this early this week. I don't want to push him, but while he is still happy to do it and it is a game, I don't see why not. Left to his own devices, he would most likely play with cars and trucks all day, which is fine, but not really exploring any new territory.

We have been fully moved into our place since July, but still are not settled. After the monkey went to a new daycare, we also had the joy of being exposed to new germs and all 3 of us got sick for about a month, which means kitchen reno's were on hold. I have been fine with working in a somewhat chaotic kitchen and living out of boxes for a while, but have recently started feeling antsy about getting things done.

Other than that, not a lot new. It's been 8 months, but I am still so grateful to be done school. It was such a large part of my life for so long, dictating and restricting schedules. It feels good to have my time again...or at least, what little of it I can grab.

Squirt is tickling my belly right now. I have felt tickles all around, even up high, which is unusual for this early. Now that I know what to expect from a baby, not in terms of routine b/c everyone is different but in terms of life changes and love, I am savouring and anticipating the arrival of a new baby so much more. I feel so lucky for everything that we have right now.

3 months later update

Life has been busy, but it's been a good busy. Since my last post, we've purchased our first house! We closed on May 30, but still have the apartment until the end of June, so we're moving over in dribbles.

I'm listening to my dh ooh and aah over various treasures that have been in storage for the last 5 years. I wonder if they'll end up in storage again! I'm determined to cut things down and give away a lot of stuff, but he likes to hold on to every single book he purchases. I have the feeling our basement will be lined with books.

Yay! Dh just dug up a pair of shoes that I bought a couple of years ago and couldn't find. Now I can throw out my old ones that are falling apart!

I'm also pregnant! Due date is the end of Jan 2009, so I'm about 8 weeks along now. I've been spotting and bleeding for the last few days, so I'm worried we might end up with another miscarriage. We spent 3 hours in the ER today, trying to get an ultrasound done so we could see if all was okay with baby, but eventually we left because it was taking too long.

We've leapt

It's officially the first hour of the day after leap day here; we have officially leapt. I feel that I've leapt passed a few things, too.

I'm feeling a bit better about things, even though this winter continues to hammer us. The fact that I don't have any pressing deadlines other than work is starting to sink in...and I like it! It's a joy to come home and know that it's just the same ol' routine with the monkey and my dh.

The monkey is growing by leaps and bounds! He has a miraculous memory (which I completely attribute to my dh, I have a brain like a sieve in comparison) and after we have read him a new book, he will "read" it with us the next time through. He loves anything with colours, animals and (of course) vehicles of any nature. Dh does the bedtime routine now and it's heart-melting to hear the story alternate between a deep voice and a tiny one.

He's also starting to read on his own. For a while it was hard to tell because he has such a fantastic memory and I couldn't be sure if it was him repeating or reading. But the other day, we were in the elevator and he read the numbers as we were going down and then read them going up the same night. He got them all, except for 9, which he called 6. (And who can blame him, it really is a 6, just upside down!)

The monkey is also in love with Lego Star Wars, which we have for our Wii. I have to admit that it's a little disturbing to see how crazy he goes with the remote, thinking it's a light saber. But it's purely play and I can tell he knows the difference between play and how to behave outside of it. He's also playing "Follow the leader" and "Simon says." We have some board games that we've been teaching him. I tend to be lax about the rules and just let him lead, but dh wants him to learn them, so we're a little different that way. Either way, it's lots of fun!

We've also started to look at buying a house! This is super-exciting news for this former farmgirl who has been stuck inside an apartment for over 10 years. Most likely it will be a townhome, but still it is a step up. We saw one that we really liked last Friday and were prepared to offer, but were beat out by someone else. However, it appears that most of the other places in the area are similar, so we will just bide our time until something comes up. We have some pretty tight budget and location requirements, mostly due to not wanting to switch the monkey's daycare; this area met both quite well.

Still struggling with putting in a cleaning routine. When you've had to wing it for so long, it becomes second nature to go in spurts; hopefully something will form soon. I can't wait until this winter is done. I take the monkey to daycare in a stroller and it is very tough going when the sidewalks aren't ploughed. I would sooner have a cold day than a snow day anytime.

So yes, a bit more satisfied with life right now. Feeling a bit more able to let my guard down and be myself. What a great feeling.

Buzzing around

I swear, every time I feel like I am in a rhythm with blogging, something seems to disrupt me. It's almost like when you're determined to get back to the gym and feel great about going for a few days and then are stuck in meetings for the rest of the week. But you just keep plugging away, hoping one day you'll get it. Whether it is a great body or a great blog, it doesn't matter.

I was chatting to my girlfriends in my online community. A few of them hit the nail on the head as for what I've been feeling: Burnout

In short, the signs of burnout tend to be more mental than physical. They can include feelings of:

Powerlessness Hopelessness Emotional exhaustion Detachment Isolation Irritability

Frustration Being trapped Failure Despair Cynicism Apathy

Let's see: check, check, check...oh yeah, big check on that irritability factor. Being crusty is something that is new to me, and that I've disliked in other people, but noticed myself creepily enjoying.

So the girls say to make sure to treat yourself to something good every day. I don't feel that I have time to do that, really. I can't just conk out for an hour to go and catch up on the latest celebrity goss, or whatever treating yourself is. But I've been slowly trying to give myself a bit of time. In fact, I've quite literally recognized that I will go crazy if I don't.

Oy. So back to buzzing around. I am finding things a bit more easier this past week or so. My body is starting to recognize that it can have some relaxation time on the weekends. That I don't have to push and push all the time. And while this outer stress dissolves, my inner balance seems to become a bit more settled.

All right, time to hit the showers. That was a good workout. Thanks for pacing me.

Too capable to compete

South African amputee and champion sprinter Oscar Pistorius rests after a training session in Pretoria, South Africa, on June 21, 2007.

The Olympics just aren't what they used to be. I have in my head that its purpose was to be a celebration of the human spirit. But there won't be any celebrating for Oscar Pistorius at the 2008 Summer Olympics. This South African amputee and champion sprinter is not being allowed to compete in the regular Olympics events.

How can something like this happen? Apparently, "the South African runner's curved, prosthetic "Cheetah" blades are considered a technical aid in violation of the rules." In addition to this, a German professor claims "An athlete using this prosthetic blade has a demonstrable mechanical advantage (more than 30 per cent) when compared to someone not using the blade."

And so, Oscar now has the dual identity of being overadvantaged in the sports world and underadvantaged in the outside world, although he likely wouldn't let something as 'trivial' as not having legs stop him no matter where it is.

It's likely clear by now that I think he should be allowed to compete. Nevermind his prosthetics. How about all of the performance-enhancing drugs that "normal" athletes use? And while he may have a slight advantage as far as exertion during the race goes, due to his prosthetics, how about the amount of exertion he needs to generate for every single fucking day?

The final kicker, the thing that really burns me, is that I have the strong suspicion that rules are not put to such strong scrutiny for the Special Olympics. It's almost like putting everyone on the island of misfits and as long as you're a misfit, then the same rules do not apply.

It's wrong. It's the Olympics. Where has the human spirit gone?

Life after MBA

Life after MBA is definitely a strange and good place to be. I guess that technically, it's not entirely started yet because according to my friends still in school, classes aren't beginning until next week, but mentally I'm in the post era.

I'm not really doing anything radically different. Most of my time is being spent doing lots of cleaning. Digging my desk out from under the mounds of paper that accumulate in the end-of-semester frenzy. Actually putting away my clean clothes instead of piling them up (hey, they were in neat piles, at least!). Clearing off our kitchen table so that we can attempt eating there again instead of shoving food in our face in front of the t.v. Purging the bottom kitchen cupboards and making them functional for all the cooking and baking I now have time to do.

I must sound like such a slob -- if it's any better, just call it being human. ;)

Just after we came home from being up north for the holidays, the video card on our computer bit the dust. Luckily, all the stuff on the hard drive was fine. This was a tad ironic, as it's the computer that we bought when I started my MBA. It lasted for a good 4 years, so we decided to purchase a new one and transfer the hard drive onto a portable drive. Still working on getting the new one up and running with all of my preferred settings.

The most exciting thing, to me: I bought a keyboard!

It's only 61 keys, as opposed to 88 keys, which I'd been holding out for, but the price tag was so much lower than the 88 keys, I decided to go for it and I'm really glad that I did. Most of what is missing are the lower keys, but there is definitely enough here to satisfy my needs for now.

I've only had it set up for a couple of days, but it has already shown me that it's part of what I've really been missing. I'm not a huge t.v. watcher, but don't always have the mindset to read a book so I'd been substituting my piano time with time on the computer. While that has been fine, it hasn't left me feeling nearly as balanced as playing has. I'm a bit of an information junkie and could keep surfing all night long just reading more and more without ever feeling satisfied. In contrast, I derive such a sense of inner peace, an emotional connection, that I feel much more fulfilled and at balance with the world.

The keyboard also comes with a training program, Yamaha-style, that I want to explore. I was trained in the classical method and then completely broken reign with that at York and studied post-modern music. I think that any learning method adds value. It also has MIDI capability, and I would like to use that to begin composing again.

And in keeping with my previous entry on the effect of sound, I am going to pick up this book:

From the publisher:

In this groundbreaking union of art and science, rocker-turned-neuroscientist Daniel J. Levitin explores the connection between music--its performance, its composition, how we listen to it, why we enjoy it--and the human brain. Drawing on the latest research and on musical examples ranging from Mozart to Duke Ellington to Van Halen, Levitin reveals:

-How composers produce some of the most pleasurable effects of listening to music by exploiting the way our brains make sense of the world
-Why we are so emotionally attached to the music we listened to as teenagers, whether it was Fleetwood Mac, U2, or Dr. Dre
-That practice, rather than talent, is the driving force behind musical expertise
-How those insidious little jingles (called earworms) get stuck in our heads

And, taking on prominent thinkers who argue that music is nothing more than an evolutionary accident, Levitin argues that music is fundamental to our species, perhaps even more so than language. This Is Your Brain on Music is an unprecedented, eye-opening investigation into an obsession at the heart of human nature.

Exciting times!